Balance. So much weight in just that one word.
Life is a delicate balance between breaths. Moment to moment the fulcrum may be foreshortened and the balance upset. I float between these moments, seeking forces which will stabilize the balance.
But the harsh truth is that each breath is held in for as long as may be possible. Breaths that allow words to flow out are cherished and greedily inhaled. Meanwhile, breaths that allow for other opportunities or for words to flow in are carefully kept out.
Is this out of fear? Or something else?
One breath that I seem to be guarding against is that of reading published works.
I have a very long TBR list that I have made no dent in. At all. But part of the problem is that I just have been unable to find a book that I care about enough, be it story or characters, to finish.
There are six books sitting on my bookshelf right now that I've begun but haven't finished. One of them I was well over halfway finished with and haven't touched it in two and a half months. (Or something like that.)
Is it me? Or is it the books?
Soon enough I'll have almost no time for anything outside work and school. When this happens, I know I will be out of balance again, carefully guarding against other breaths.
Are you balancing between breaths or relishing everything that comes into your life?
Oh thank you so much for posting this! I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteI have a very hard time reading and finishing books - which is confusing, because I love to read. But the way you phrase it - 'Meanwhile, breaths that allow for other opportunities or for words to flow in are carefully kept out.' - that so applies to my life sometimes.
If there's any advice that can help, I read best when I schedule time for it. I like reading once I'm actually sitting down with a book, but looking at a book and knowing it needs to be read is something I have struggles with. My family sometimes has 'reading days' when we take the entire day or evening (usually saturday) and just read together. It's a lot of fun - maybe it'll help?
Gah, sorry for the long comment, but you phrased this problem so much more eloquently than I ever have. Thanks for posting this!
Aww, I feel bad that you're feeling like things will be overwhelming. I try to relish things as they come along, but I often feel out of breath and my TBR pile is huge, huge, huge.
ReplyDeleteActually, it's the curse of being a writer. We get waaay too picky after we start picking our own and other friends' work apart.
ReplyDeletePlus, I figured life was short, and I didn't want to waste time finishing books I didn't absolutely love.
I wouldn't worry about the books you can't finish. There are too many good ones out there.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's a struggle to balance it all, especially when you work (and for you go to school too), write, take care of a family, etc. Some days the balance feels better than others. At least for me.
I really like your blog! I'm a new author and have enjoyed this new experience.
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