Action descriptor tags

On Tuesday we talked about non-said dialogue tags.

Today, it's the dialogue tags that go on and on.  Action descriptors.  Yes, we need to make sure our characters aren't just talking bobble heads.

But at the same time, the dialogue needs to pop on its own.

Here's an example from A Rose by Any Other Name.

Setup: Emilia is at a dinner party as a test run for her alter ego.  Someone has asked her when her book comes out.

“Next month,” she replied, affecting a mild southern accent when she did so.

See? It's distracting. Is it necessary? Maybe. A few rounds of revisions and a beta or two would be needed to help determine that.

But how do we determine when it's absolutely necessary? Should we just let the reader imagine what's happening based on the scene that surrounds it? Here's another example.

They reached Battery Park a lot faster than Emilia had anticipated. She could see the bench where she was to meet the reporter and thought that perhaps she’d been beaten to the meeting. As she turned to exit the car, Archer stopped her.


“I’m busy tonight but are you free for dinner tomorrow? I’d like to see you again,” he said. Her heart pounded a little harder and a little faster before she could work up the nerve to respond.


“Dinner would be lovely,” she said. “I’m staying at the Des Artistes Hotel.”


“Pick you up at 8, then?”


“Sure. See you tomorrow.” With that, Emilia exited the car and hurried to the park bench where she could see the Times reporter waiting.

So, this time the scene is set up before and after the dialogue, but not necessarily attached to it directly. She turns to exit the car then she exits. Does the conversation need more in between? I think we could all pretty well imagine how it would look. The awkwardness of turning, contorting, etc. to reach a good position for talking before exiting.

But does it need the descriptors like that or is the scene enough?

These are all subjective judgments, but ones we need to consider.

Personally, I think the conversation is fine for where it is, being a first (and only) draft.

Dialogue tags

The bane of our existence as writers.  Though perhaps they only run a close second to those pesky little adverbs.

Now, there are two types of dialogue tags I want to discuss.  The first being those annoying little non-said tags.

You know the ones.  I've a whole slew of words to use instead of "said" that I received in my 11th grade creative writing class.  I cringe to think about that now.  I've looked for the list, actually, but I can't find it.  I think that's a good thing.

But we know the drill.  Said disappears.  Readers don't notice it.  I'm sure I'm guilty of far too many non-said dialogue tags.  I'll catch those during one of these rounds of revisions.

On to non-said dialogue tags.

Here's an example from my first novel, A Rose by Any Other Name.

“Emilia, it’s great to see you!” she heard from behind her as she was perusing the “New Fiction” section of the store.  She turned to find the store manager, Tom, standing there.  She returned his broad smile.

“You too, Tom.”

“Anything I can help you with today?” he asked.

“No, I’m just doing some birthday browsing,” she replied.

“Happy Birthday!” he exclaimed.  “We’ve got some new titles that just haven’t made it out onto the shelves yet today but they are supposed to be there.  I’ll go grab them for you.  Fiction and biography were always your favorite genres, right?”

“That’d be great, Tom,” she replied.  “I can’t believe you remembered that about me, too.”

See.  It's awkward.  I know that.  But it seems that our English instructors have been steering us away from non-said tags for years.  It's a bad habit we have to break.  I don't necessarily know that this passage would be stronger without the non-said tags, but there must be a reason we're being steered away from them now.

Is it just that they've been so overdone as to seem trite and banal?

Stay tuned on Thursday for a discussion of the other type of dialogue tag.  Action descriptors.  (Or so I'm calling them.)

By the by, I've a website now. Link is my name, below.

Stephanie L McGee